Single balls
Copywriting is jongleren met woorden, letters.
Op minuut 0:17 van mijn Over mij video zie je zelfs hoe ik letterlijk jongleer.
Wist je trouwens dat mijn carrière als copywriter is begonnen met het schrijven van Engelse jongleerverhalen?
“Je valt in herhaling Miro, dat heb je me vorig jaar al verteld.”
Oh, sorry…
… maar kerst lijkt me nu echt de tijd van het jaar om verhalen te herhalen.
Maar goed, zal ik dan uit mijn creatieve copy container, een heel ánder kerstverhaal delen?
Een verhaal dat je vast nog nooit hebt gehoord?
“Ja toe Miro, alsjeblieft eens wat anders!”
Oké, komtie.
En omdat het de tijd van engelen is…
… dus in het Engels, so =>
_ _ _
Single Balls
Santa Claus, resident of Lapland in the north of Finland, bringer of joy and gifts to many people in the Western Hemisphere at Christmas, is a man with a big burden, as you are about to find out.
Santa has lived and worked with his wife in Northern Finland for so long that neither one of them can remember when they first started their successful Christmas enterprise. But even after having lived for many ages, life still holds mysteries for the both of them. For instance, they have no idea why their industrious elves have never ever offered to help them do the dishes.
The first couple of hundred years into their relationship everything is close to perfect in Santa’s and Mrs. Santa’s life. Santa however, unable to die, gets really bored with nothing around but pine trees, snow, lakes, elves that look alike, reindeer… and his wife.
So, Santa sets his mind to get a new hobby. He looks out his window, sees the elves throwing snowballs… and he decides to pick up juggling. He starts off with great zest, looking forward to all the tricks a timeless myth like him could master; tricks that would take even mortal men ages to learn.
However, Santa is afraid to tell his wife.
One night after dinner, over a cup of tea, Santa picks up his courage and tells Mrs. Santa:
“Honey, I was thinking about taking up juggling as a hobby.”
Mrs. Santa looks distracted.
“HO HO HO!!!!” Santa suddenly shouts as Mrs. Santa pours hot tea in a cup that is already full up to the rim.
“What is the matter Sweety?” Santa inquires. “I thought I saw a pussycat!” Mrs. Santa replies, at the same time realizing how completely irrelevant this conversation is to this story.
So, Santa repeats: “I want to take up juggling as a hobby, dear.” And Mrs. Santa murmurs “Whatever makes you happy, darling” without realizing the implications of what she had just approved.
Santa, happy as a clown, juggles and juggles and gets hooked on his new pastime activity. He can’t sit still for one moment and won’t go anywhere without his juggling balls. After a while he starts driving Mrs. Santa crazy. All his attention goes to his balls and practicing new juggling routines, while ignoring poor Mrs. Santa.
Now Mrs. Santa is a patient woman, but one day in December, after more than 200 years ánd her millionth request to ‘please please please stop juggling’ , Mrs. Santa desperately suggests a divorce.
Santa, who had been clueless up to that point - as many men can be about their wife’s agony - suddenly realizes she is serious. Hearing the word ‘divorce’ coming out of her mouth scares the daylights out of him. And at that time of year in Northern Finland, he needs all the daylight he can get.
Santa can’t bear the thought of his ‘jingle balls’ becoming… ‘single balls’.
“Please, please, please don’t divorce me… I will stop juggling, I swear on my eternal life, I give you my word,“ Santa begs.
But Mrs. Santa does not easily accept his word. She demands that Santa signs a renewed marital contract, adding a rule that prohibits Santa from ever juggling again. If Santa should break the no-juggling rule, the contract provides that Mrs. Santa will get full ownership of their joint possessions.
[The additional no-juggling rule in marital contracts is currently known as ‘the Santa Clause’ ]
One hundred years go by uneventfully, until one night, Santa can’t possibly resist his everlasting urge to juggle.
He sneaks out of the house to just throw a few balls around and see if he still has it in him.
One of the reindeer follows Santa into the woods. It’s the same reindeer that has been sucking up to Santa for decades. That’s why the other reindeer call him the ‘brown nosing reindeer.’
While Santa is juggling in the forest, Mrs. Santa wonders “what is taking him so long out there?”
So, she puts on her coat and goes out to look for Santa.
As she approaches, Santa is juggling 4 glowing red balls under a tree. He sees her coming and in a panicky effort, he throws three balls up the tree and slams his last ball on the reindeers’ nose.
Mrs. Santa (looking at Santa suspiciously): “Have you been juggling, Santa?!”
“O no, no, no… of course not," Santa replies while his face is as red as the 3 glowing juggling balls he points at in the tree. “I was just trying out to see how glowing red balls would look as ornaments on our Christmas tree.”
“And what happened to that reindeer?” Mrs. Santa asks.
”Eh, well… um… I thought we could put this reindeer in front of our sleigh… with the red nose… eh… signaling our arrival.”
Mrs. Santa shakes her head, replies:
“It would make more sense to stick that red ball up your ass and use it as a taillight.”
_ _ _
Zo, nu ken jij tenminste een kerstverhaal dat niet iedereen al kent.
Ik hoop dat je hier wat aan hebt en wens je fijne dagen.
Voel je geroepen,
Miro
PSI Ik schrijf dit artikel in Zeist, een plaatsje ten zuidwesten van Rovaniemi, Lapland.
PSIII Zie ook => Jingle balls
PSIV Waar is PSII?
PSV - Roda JC 14 - 1 (over de uitslag wordt niet gecorrespondeerd)
Miro’s blog
dit verzin je niet
Overigens ben ik van mening dat Koningsdag Oranjedag moet worden.